New Stuff.

Completely face lifted my blog.  Let’s see how long this lasts.  Actually, I’d really love to personalize it.  But I realize to do this I need to possess both photoshop and light programming skills.  Neither of which I can say I currently hold.  But it occurred to me the other day – I’m somewhat intelligent.  Somewhat. So I’ll acquire a couple Adobe products and do what I do best – look up online tutorials.  Besides, it will give me something productive and creative to do.  I miss the creative parts of me.  The parts that used to seem so easy.

I’m not exactly sure what happened.  There are times in my life where I recall – quite vividly – the energy experienced when riding a wave of spontaneous creativity.  It’s not something conjured.  Rather – it flows freely.  And perhaps this is why I remember it as being so exhilirating.

What life circumstances have seemingly stifled that thing that used to come so easily.  I draw, sew, write, design, cook, craft, create, make…that’s it – I make.  I used to make things.  Cool things.  Anything.  I remember going to thrift stores and finding something that made little sense – in form and intended purpose.  But I would look at these items and see something completely different – something I could create from it.  I used to draw – doodle really.  But my doodles were good.  At least in my approximation.  I once created a whole series of carniverous plant drawings.  From it – I birthed the idea of starting a company by the name: Alien Organics.  The drawings really were epic.  I fantasized about taking it to the streets at night.

And the writing.  I’ve thrown more writing away than I currently have saved.  A travesty I know.  I’ve been chastised multiple times for it – and since the pain of what I’d done by letting go of my art was realized – I’ve stopped trashing my stuff.  But man – I used to crank out poetry.  And while most of it was probably trite and flat out bad, I really wish I had them to laugh at.

So what happened?  Why’d it all slow.  Where’d the creative go?  I know it never left – but if it’s not being tapped does it even exists?  Don’t we make things real by accessing them, utilizing them?  I want to feel that electricity again – the creative current.  And let me be clear.  I do create.  Day to day.  But I want to create out of my own inspiration again.  Things that I can feel complete freedom in.  Things that are fully me.  I feel an awakening.  I am open and ready.

2011 is for me.  It’s for you.  It’s for anyone who wishes to seize it and be what they are made to be.  I am comfortable in my own skin.  I am excited about my life and the story that is still being written.  I am who God made me.  I am creative and beautiful.  How dare I doubt it.  I won’t.

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