Completely face lifted my blog. Let’s see how long this lasts. Actually, I’d really love to personalize it. But I realize to do this I need to possess both photoshop and light programming skills. Neither of which I can say I currently hold. But it occurred to me the other day – I’m somewhat intelligent. Somewhat. So I’ll acquire a couple Adobe products and do what I do best – look up online tutorials. Besides, it will give me something productive and creative to do. I miss the creative parts of me. The parts that used to seem so easy.
I’m not exactly sure what happened. There are times in my life where I recall – quite vividly – the energy experienced when riding a wave of spontaneous creativity. It’s not something conjured. Rather – it flows freely. And perhaps this is why I remember it as being so exhilirating.
What life circumstances have seemingly stifled that thing that used to come so easily. I draw, sew, write, design, cook, craft, create, make…that’s it – I make. I used to make things. Cool things. Anything. I remember going to thrift stores and finding something that made little sense – in form and intended purpose. But I would look at these items and see something completely different – something I could create from it. I used to draw – doodle really. But my doodles were good. At least in my approximation. I once created a whole series of carniverous plant drawings. From it – I birthed the idea of starting a company by the name: Alien Organics. The drawings really were epic. I fantasized about taking it to the streets at night.
And the writing. I’ve thrown more writing away than I currently have saved. A travesty I know. I’ve been chastised multiple times for it – and since the pain of what I’d done by letting go of my art was realized – I’ve stopped trashing my stuff. But man – I used to crank out poetry. And while most of it was probably trite and flat out bad, I really wish I had them to laugh at.
So what happened? Why’d it all slow. Where’d the creative go? I know it never left – but if it’s not being tapped does it even exists? Don’t we make things real by accessing them, utilizing them? I want to feel that electricity again – the creative current. And let me be clear. I do create. Day to day. But I want to create out of my own inspiration again. Things that I can feel complete freedom in. Things that are fully me. I feel an awakening. I am open and ready.
2011 is for me. It’s for you. It’s for anyone who wishes to seize it and be what they are made to be. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am excited about my life and the story that is still being written. I am who God made me. I am creative and beautiful. How dare I doubt it. I won’t.