1. existing in act or fact; real.

The technological age has made this more difficult to decipher.

But I’m not even going down the road of debating the dangers of digital, pseudo-realities and how that’s killing off true relationship.  That argument has already been played – elevated to social crisis – only to become yet another philosophical pop-culture cliché.

Are we actual?

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve carried on with countless conversations – nodding in agreeable joviality – almost hypnotically.  Even the rebels, sometimes, cannot bypass the innate and subconscious desire to not disrupt the status quo.

We desire acceptance – we long to be understood.

But, what if, one day, you awake to the reality that your entire social empire and the commonality found within it was not cultivated from what you actually believe – how you truly feel – what you really want?

Even in a crowd we might still find ourselves alone.

I’ve been there.  In some ways, I am still here – having denied myself the pleasure of being fully known by not being fully open – not showing what actually makes me who I am – instead subscribing to what I believe I should be.  And what a terrible disservice this is to not only myself, but to those I love.

You see, we are designed uniquely.  Call it the universe – evolution – I call it God.  The earth and everything alive seems to have found a way of living harmoniously.  And perhaps we should take our cues from nature (natural).  We don’t see dandelions trying to kill each other – or ponies trying to be fish.  They are free in their design – without competition or jealousy.  We are moved by nature.  Maybe because we know, innately, that there is something pure – true – actual about it.

I wish to strive for this kind of freedom in my own design – to express my actual self.  The dismantling of the character is slow and painful.  I am thankful for grace.  I want to know myself better.  The obvious fruit of this will be the opportunity for true intimacy – where love thrives.

We have the right to change our minds – at any time – to become the actual version of ourselves.




  1. Pingback: 4 WORDS // DISRUPTED TO FOCUS |
  2. Kirsten kelly

    I am currently working on a journal/thoughts/post that is pretty complimentary to this… I’ve realized how much I (and others) are wired to please, to be accepted not for who they truly are but for who they can make others believe they are. It’s a tough thing to overcome but so vital to live fully. Great post mama.



      Thanks, WOMAN! And thanks for reading. Please let me know when you make that post and I’ll share it as an add on to this! I want to know more about your writing. Let’s have coffee soon!


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